i always felt proud of the edge i "thought" i had over other people when it came to the power of thinking beyond measures. Feeling proud of the ability to tactfully manipulate my mind into thinking deep and beneath the lines. i would spend hours thinking about little things and connecting them with the most important and vital things in life. i would always think beyond the simple projection an object showed, for example, a rose was never reflecting on my retina as just a "Rose". it would bring with itself endless of questions, "why is this rose red", "why is that rose yellow", "why is one bloomed more than the other", "which one has more thorns and which one doesnt". well that was never the end, i would endlessly start comparing that with the life i was living, like how some people are just naturally charming, brighter and more intelligent then others,how the division of pain and failiure was so uneven and God knows what else. It was like thoughts bombarding into one an another, like a crash on a high way. see, im doing it again!
well, im better now, as my thinking has matured, ive realised that ive lost my threshold of absorbing my own thoughts. i now want to give up this ability of profound and endless thinking. i want to be surfaced. Think on a single strand of thought. i want to see things as just what they "are", nothing more nothing less, because this endless thinking just traps me into more of it. its like of those pleasures that can never really be tapped into. i try to keep my mind busy in things that "actually" exist now, God,family, friends and life in general. i forgot to mention,myself too! i dont want to be a philosopher! i now envy people who think on a single surface, a single layer. who just accept and reject, who dont give in to absorbing,understanding,comparing and reflecting. I want to give up this trait of feeling on extremes, because i think too much. i feel pain at extremes and tangle myself up in all kinds of thoughts that shouldnt matter. Theres no use. The thoughts i have our only for me to enjoy and God to laugh on. i dont think i have an audience that has the time or taste to enjoy how "i" think. so do you think the ability to savour philosophy is a blessing or a surfaced thinker plays it safe??
